I started my creative journey after going through a dark time in my life. For years, I was drowning in a vast ocean of grief, as I suffered my share of hard losses, hateful words, and crushing isolation. Life, as I knew it, was gone. Myself, as I knew me, was gone. I was just trying to stop the pain for a little bit. I didn’t know how to pray for a miracle in my life. I couldn’t make sense of it all.
So often we go to the doctor to heal the mind, and the heart,
but he cannot heal what he cannot see or know,
or feel, anymore.
I wrote Navigating Self-Isolation: A Workbook During Social Distancing, hoping to open a path of healing for the lost, lonely, or brokenhearted. Experiencing loss, fear, and depression, I know how dark and lonely the path of grieving is, so I want to help others to find their path of healing.
In my writing, I was trying to capture all the insights, questions, thoughts that helped me on my path of emotional healing, navigating all the negative thoughts, destructive feelings and overwhelming states of mind. When I got to the end of the book, I asked myself if it’s enough. If it’s helpful. I realize I needed this book. I need to write this book. I wrote this book for me. Because I was afraid. I have hidden for so long the wounds. I see now, I needed to heal.
All the feelings, emotions, thoughts I was trying to hide, came out, all at once, like a tornado.
At this moment I am on Day 18 of quarantining in Spain, far away from home. I wasn’t much affected by the situations because I already had to go through losing everything, and not being able to work. I was already working from home, isolated, alone, because I don’t know anyone here in Spain and I don’t know the language.
I came to Spain after a dark time in my life. Realizing I have lost everything, my grandparents who raised me, my father, my marriage, my family, my friends, my job, my stability. I was lost, stuck in a very dark and lonely place. I had the chance to start again, moving to Spain. What I didn’t know then it’s what actually means to start from zero. Alone. Not knowing the language, in a strange new town. I realized I can’t do my work anymore, and understood my helplessness.
After all these years of struggles, last month ago, I got my resilience. Like a beautiful surreal dream peace of love.
When the news of quarantine hit, I was finally peaceful. I got myself back. I started to write this book. When I got to the end of it, I got my breakdown. All these negative thoughts burst in, crushed my heart and darken my mind. I understood I haven’t lost all it yet, I still have so much right now.
Will we ever get home? Will we ever get our life back? Will I ever see my mom again?
What if I have no time left to make things right?
Can they steal my words? My dreams? My life?
What if I lose myself, my hopes, my faith?
Still, we have ALL so much to lose.
I could feel the anxiety building up until I burst into anger. Filled with hate and fear, I searched the most hurtful loudest words I could find, in the darkest corners of my mind, and let them all out.
My heart stood to explode.
Exhausted, I gave in, waiting for the sleep to take me. I burst up into tears.
. . .
I am ok. I have food. I have shelter.
I have my health.
I have this moment.
I have these words.
I have my mind filled with dreams.
I have my heart filled with love.
I have my faith.
I still have so much more to give.
. . .
This is how it goes. You can see the curtains falling down, and a harsh absurd world is revealed. While we’ve been too busy running around in circles to get more and more, we’ve been ignoring the truth and avoiding to search inside ourselves. The honest truth only for the ones who have hearts to see.
Heal your heart.
Find the endless rivers of love in your heart,
you’ll be alright,
whatever may come.
. . .
Download the FREE the e-book Navigating Self-Isolation – A Workbook During Social Distancing.
If you are looking for a supportive community during the social isolation, need a kind word or you want to support with a kind word someone, please JOIN our Facebook community – Navigating Self-Isolation.
Leave a comment and let me know how you’re holding up, what you’ve been doing with your time, locked down in quarantine, I would honestly love to hear from you.
Lots of love
Take care and stay safe!